RUCHIT...
Why the hell will she call now? Hasn't she hurt enough, now to call over abruptly when I'm just laying low.. Hiding from everything I have felt, busy pushing those, then-lovely now self-destructing memories, as far in the universe as I could.. Those clueless continuous passionate glances through the class only to feel better and.. peaceful. Longing for her lively laughs spreading through her cheeks right up to the ears turning it pinkish.. But why now?.. I'm trying hard enough to ignore that last glance flashing right on my face every time I tried to close my eyes.. I just couldn't think anything. What to say? What to feel??.. Just gathering courage from every cell, to pull my self together, not wanting to pass out in to a deep dreadful sleep dreaming that my dream with her not coming true..
"Hello.. are you there?.. HELLO.."
Oh damn. I was... but you weren't.. What should I say? Can I say a word, with this clenched throat suddenly gasping for water? Still somehow..
I said "Hi."
I could barely hear myself, with such low defeated voice..
"How are you?"
This one was literal slap on my already weakening situation.. I thought of answering in a filmy way, since I literally would mean what I would say like.. "As you left.." or "Sadder than ever" but then again, this is not a film, is it?.. This is real.. the feeling.. the hurt.. her voice..
"I'm fine..."
I said with a short pause in between and scoff at the end. Of course I wasn't going to bring up the dead instances, though it felt like yesterday.. I didn't ask the same question.. this time my stubbornness outweighed my emotion, though I did wanted to know how she was..
"Actually I called, to inform you that the dates of the 5 day inter-school Environmental Camp for which you had enrolled have been declared.. Our school is participating in it and we four have been selected for the same.. You, me, Sushrut and Vaidehi.. from 10th A and some others from the other division, which we'll know tomorrow.. Monica mam told me to tell you about the same.. Tomorrow she has called a virtual meet where she'll tell us the details.. She will mail us the link.." she spoke in one go..
I was wondering, when did I enroll for such 'environmental' camp. Who and why anyone would ruin their vacation for such camp? Just then I remembered.. It was just after Environmental Day celebrations when Monica Mam had came to our class and instead of continuing geography she started telling us about climate change, dooms day, water crisis and pumped us by grave severity of these problems. We were so ready to play our role in environmental conservation that we could go and sit besides Greta and start our agitation against world leaders. But instead she asked us to enroll for the once in a year, inter school 5 day environmental camp, to learn more about those concepts and help create awareness..
But wait.. I realized.. I and Rucha were again going to meet.. At that stupid camp... Oh good lord.. is this my second chance? At my attempt.. no.. FAILED attempt to confess my feelings despite knowing the probable result.
"Ok, I'll check my mail." It was a very lame response.
Should I feel happy that I'll meet her again or continue my unsuccessful effort to wash her out of my brain?
"OK Bye!" she hurried..
"Bye" It was the most unmeant bye I've ever said..
I was really angry, furious, enraged, outraged at my fate.. I actually made it sure and oh boy! really made it sure that I will lead her into a situation where she would be compelled to listen me, actually listen my feelings. My 'you-just-can't-assume' theory was to be tested. It didn't matter what she said or did after that.. AND.. It didn't happened.. My theory went AWOL..
Now I'm trying to forget, disremember, focusing not to think about her and anything about her, she calls, and tells me we will meet at a camp and be together for more than 120 hours.. It can't be happening..
I desperately wanted to call Arpit and shock him with this update, but I did otherwise, not because he will stick on me and would want to know my every move hereon, but to calmly think it out and plan what to do next. The sun was closing in on the sea so I returned home.
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RUCHA..
I took a very deep breath as I hung up the call. It wasn't as brutal as expected neither a pleasant one. Shruti handed me a glass of water after the call.. I drank it whole. I wondered why do I feel this restless, even though I'm the one who despised him.. Why do I feel such stressful? Its good Shruti says, that I finally called him and spoke. 'I've had to make peace with him by talking.'
He didn't sound excited for sure, probably because he forgot about it, and took very long pauses while speaking.. I think he was shocked, it was more evident when I asked "How are you?". It was Shruti's idea to ask that. I didn't wanted to ask when I know how disappointed he was in that last glance of his. I could have messaged him but then, Monica mam would have caught me if he didn't show up for the virtual meet..
I really wanted to take my name out, the moment I saw Ruchit's name below mine in that camp list.. I should have a right to decide whether or not I should participate in a camp even though I have voluntarily enrolled for it.. That Environmental turned Geography class is the birth of this mess.. I'll have to go..
Why would he of all would register for such a camp? Is it because I registered? It doesn't seem so, even though Monica mam talked passionately about environmental issues that day, it was only to get maximum enrollment. Hardly 5-10 students registered, only after knowing school is paying for it.. I urged Shruti to enroll, but she had plans with her relatives to tour north eastern states. I didn't had any, only to, vouch for best commerce colleges in Pune and checking their cut-offs.
Monica mam chose me to inform him! Me! A direct orderly request. How could you reject a direct order from a teacher which is merely to remind one of your 'CLASSMATE' about the camp? She wasn't aware about any of other relationship between us than that of a classmate. It wasn't a relationship, because as defined, relationship is the way in which two people are connected. We weren't, at least I wasn't..
When I told Shruti about this for the first time, she reminded me of our unfinished fight and that fate has brought us to this situation, blaming me for not adhering her cycle advice, blah-blah-blah.. But now, I did made that awkward call.. Imaging what he might say? He could end the call right away or the call might not even connect.. I'm just accepting to the situation wherein he and I will be working on an activity to bring our school a first prize..
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SHRUTI..
How frivolous Rucha is! Both have so much in abundance individually and yet one craves for something and the other loathes the former for it. Of course it was fate which brought Rucha into a situation, where she'll finally have too speak to, and hear from, Ruchit.. The thing she despised most came walking right on her face... Had she at least heard him out that day it wouldn't have been this complex that she would call me at 1am and ask what should she do?
How weird people are? But.. then again, she is my girl.. I'm the only one who she could call at 1 in the night, and still hope for an answer without hesitation.. I've earned that.. I had to help her deal with whatever it was, like always.
I still remember, the first time she actually cried in the class, unabashedly, for getting a bad remark for an incomplete assignment after really trying to control it.... I could go and comfort her, but I knew better, it was the least she needed.. She couldn't be more embarrassed if anyone found her crying.. so we stayed up in the computer lab a little more.. I waited outside the lab guarding.. She came out herself with swollen eyes and cluttered hair..
But this time I couldn't help her alone, unless she wanted to help herself. It was very simple, go to him, talk , listen, express and make peace, wasn't it? I too noticed Rohan gawking at me for quite a time now. Even if he takes a small step forward, I would definitely follow my advice.. Maybe we could work it out, maybe we won't, but talking helps, that's what I know for sure..
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RUCHIT..
Virtual meet did went well. I thought it would be a chaos given the situation, students didn't actually want to go for the camp.. But it was surprising how excited everyone was.. She too didn't seem pumped up but neither resentful. She was our leader.. Estimates were, there will be around 40 students from 5 schools.. The camp will be at a private resort not very far from the city. There will be talks arranged, by eminent personalities in the field of environment conservation, there will be games, hikes, skits, nature walk, night sky watching, etc. No one seems reluctant. There's no chance anyone could get out of this now... The camp is scheduled on the first weekend of the next month and I'll have to GO..
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RUCHA..
Rucha you can do it! You can be a good leader, who doesn't get emotions more of her and tackles every problem discreetly, gets along with team mates and ensures a win.. Shruti helps to be the best me, but she won't be there. Whatever has happened, is in the past, it cannot affect your future. Its a good choice to make a Whatsapp group of the team well before the camp.. You are taking charge already..
The most appalling thing for me is, Why am I freaking out? It's not only him that I've got to meet.. There will be others, we will have great environmentalist, games, hikes and all starting tomorrow, but yet it doesn't feel comfortable. Maybe I have ignored him long enough, that now, if he isn't to be ignored, I can't deal with it.. I'm bewildered, with the feeling, that what should be my response, if he brings it up again. What should I say to him? Continue scaring away from him or face him and tell him that I foresee our relationship and I think, it won't work out.
It should be spontaneous.. Thinking about it right now won't help. Whatever the situation will be, I can deal with it without fussing about it. Sleep tight, Ru, you have to be a trailblazer from tomorrow..
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RUCHIT..
When did I got up 5 in the morning last time? It isn't regular for me, to wake up when it's still night. I'm more of night guy. But, its the camp day.. I really hope I'm not late. After more than 2 months we'll be back at school, thanks it is not for studies. I really thought about what should I do, and I'm more sure than ever.. I'm attempting confessing it, on the last day, again, and no matter what, even if her entire family comes to pick her up(hope so not) , despite any thing happens after that.. But till then, I'll have to be the decent guy everyone thinks I am.
Its 6:10am already, the bus is ready, but she's not here.. Monica mam's calling her number relentlessly and everyone is hoping our leader doesn't turn on us. But I know she'll come.. She has to..
Here she comes..